Been out of touch with the most beautiful woman

To be honest, she seems like the kind of person that would constantly poke me with a stick while I would have to try and be nice enough not to blow up in her face. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I'm an attractive target for these kind of people.

She's just seems like an overdose of love, compassion, insight, universial harmony, that sort of thing. Now, those things are all well and good, but I just can't take too much of that sort of thing before I choke on the purple fluffyness. I guess it's because I have it in me already and I can regulate it just fine, I don't need it pushed, I don't need it fed.

Wow, that was harsh.

lol, I'm glad you're taking it so well, but I sort of expected you to as well since the things you write about in your blog is actually pretty interesting. Uhm, let me explain that. I don't read blogs, I don't sign up for community sites, I don't leave comments. But you seem to actually be one of those extremely rare people who actually writes about the stuff that matters and is real. The rest just writes about the theater... :)

What I'm trying to say is that you seem like a thinker and I'm curious to see what you'll write in the future (no pressure there right? :P).

I'm sure you're right about that woman, she just reminded me of other women who have tried to "rescue" me in the past. Which is actually sort of weird since I'm pretty sure I have more "positive energy" in me than most other guys. Now that I think about it, it could be because I always tried to be a bit grumpy around them - so they wouldn't try and connect with me - which actually made them more interested, heh, sort of ironic. Alright, stopping before it turns into a rant.

Yikes! Didn't see that one coming :)

Well this got me thinking about why. What it is that makes me withdraw from people like you Grace (or actually from people who I think you are - did that make sense?). I've got the beginnings of a theory, but I'm not sure about it and it's probably going to get complicated so I'll keep it to myself for now.

Just to try and clarify something I would like to say that I have nothing against this sort of personality that I'm talking about, in fact I think this sort of personality is pretty damn valuable to our world, it's just that personally I'm sort of incompatible with it (yeah it's weird). So, sent down yet another spiral of thoughts to fix whatever mess I might find there. Funny how you think that you're pretty much sorted out and then - WHAM! - god or whatever (I won't go into a religion-rant) finds yet another way to make you deal with another old issue. Not that I mind dealing with them, but these days it's mostly things I can't even see. I must be getting old, or lazy.

Man, where do I even start?

If I'm gonna reply to that... shit, I hate writing essays, not being a school assignment helps suprisingly little :) I know you like this writing stuff, I wonder why. But anyway, let's start.

There’s always some self-censorship in place for everyone I guess, mine goes like this : I won’t talk about most people, except maybe ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ as I know they will never come here, and the urge to talk about them, sometimes, is just too strong. I find that describing dreams is the most innocuous form of emotion exhibit. While it’s very self-revealing, especially if I go about explaining what I think my dreams mean, the innocent is protected.

Dreams are definitely very self-revealing, I guess most people just don't realize it. I don't see how people can miss it though, isn't it obvious that we dream about what's going on in our life and what we find important? To interpret the dream might be a bit harder for someone on the outside though, since various people and objects of course have a special meaning to you which noone else can know about.

I'm actually surprised of how openly you write about yourself while still giving out your real name. I tried having my own blog a while ago. It didn't work very well, in part because I hate writing and in part because I flew out in a me-against-the-world-rage everytime I wrote something, but the point is that I didn't use my own name.

Writing truly about oneself on a blog is not intimacy though. I would not go into talking about these things one-on-one, even with most people who are close to me. I wouldn’t experience the same freedom at all. And people don’t think they have been intimate with me by reading intimate stuff about me, written by me. It’s very different, and everyone ‘gets’ that, and I get that too, most of the times. It’s not that I am an exhibitionist. I respect people’s intelligence, or rather the elusive reader’s intelligence, and I respect words, and truth.

You're right, and that's funny, how things can get really awkward if you try and tell someone close to you something important, while it's completely ok to tell the world.

Thank you for saying that, Seth. You have no idea how flattering that can be to me (or maybe you do). I read this yesterday, and like some chiropractic act it ‘fixed’ something in me. There’s nothing like being appreciated by someone we appreciate. There’s nothing like being understood by someone we think we understand.

You already knew you're... different/special (ok, you're gonna have to help me here, insert a word with the same meaning as those two but which won't make the sentence a huge cliché). I was just trying to let you know that I think I see something in you that most other people probably miss. I think I 'get' you, at least to an extent.

I am sure you do. I find that the most compassionate person (which is the most ‘positive’ in my book) is one that knows a large range of human emotions, and people who try too hard to be ‘positive’ and who refrain from anything that’d seem ‘negative’ cut themselves from... themselves and other people, and forget about this range of emotions, and cannot possibly be truly compassionate, or maybe they can, but they don’t know empathy.

You made me dig for memories here, I couldn't think of any such person at first and so I weren't sure of what you meant. But I think I get what you mean now, I found someone who might fit that profile. But I'm not sure that I want to backtalk her too much, I just feel like, yeah she's not perfect, and yeah she's probably blind to a lot of things in life, especially the darker sides, but at least she's on the side of it where she only sees good instead of being on the side where she would only see hate, and hey, she does a decent job of raising her kids and of contributing some sort of positive energy to the world. You just can't expect too much of people, or you will get disappointed, at least that's how I see it.

Lucidity is highly-priced by you and I, am I right? And humour. There is so much dark humour in what I write.

Lu... Luci-what? Seriously :)
I looked it up but I'm still not sure of exactly what you meant there so... no comment :)

About dark humor, how can you not love it. You can actually deliver some pretty stinging criticism to society, the world and people around you - and not only get away with it, but even be praised for it!

Do you think that women pick men that they think they can save, yet deep down wish that these guys will resist them, and keep their dark-ish side, which is what charmed these women in the first place (with other things), while women want to be rescued (emotionally and sexually, at least) by men they meet, yet hide this so well, because it’s not something that they accept, and they act like these disgusting motherly figures sometimes, to hide the ‘little girl’.

I was wondering whether you actually meant "Don't you think that...", but then realized it's a question either way :) So, yes to the first part. The second part (about wanting to be rescued) I don't know really. I don't see why they would want/need to be rescued emotionally... are women usually depressed or what did you mean here? Oh, and what do you mean by "disgusting motherly figures"? I think this is the first time I've ever seen anyone talk about motherly figures in a negative way so I'm curious of what you're thinking there :)

I have thoughts about this. That if we get down to it, it’s just a difference in style, in ‘presentation’ for the same goodness and generosity. Mmm, not only that, though. Not sure.

Maybe... I don't want to get into it since I haven't thought it through yet. It's next in line for processing though, as soon as I take the time.

Mmmm... yes, I see what you mean. I have a hard time defending ideas like that though (which I hold, as beliefs) when in fact I don’t believe in any master plan, in any deity. And I don’t believe that I’ve set up a plan for myself to deal with a set of issues. I don’t believe in destiny, yet I have thoughts like that, that life brings some stuff to me, but maybe there’s an explanation... for that ‘whatever’.

I don't know what I believe in really. It's just that one day I got so tired of not knowing what to do with this unresolved problem that had been laying in my head for so many years that I finally just decided I would accept a very bare stripped-down version of what the church likes to call god. Justified with the logical reasoning that believing in a god can provide certain benefits in life, and whether you're wrong or not really couldn't matter less.

It's basically just a problem that I won't ever be able to solve, so I've just accepted that fact.

Alright, my brain is about to melt. I find writing to be very exhausting, probably because I think a hundred things for every one thing I actually write. It's definitely worth the effort though, this is really interesting things we're talking about and it's rare to find a person who you can talk about these things with.

No problem, take your time, I know exactly how you feel :)

Now that I look back, I didn't write all that much but still I was exhausted when I was done, or well, when I had to quit because of it. English isn't my first language either so yeah that complicates it further.

I thought you were a web developer already. But anyhow there's never any time to obsess over details, at least I never have the time for it. I just have to accept the imperfections and move on, yeah it sucks, but there's just no time. The boss wants results and there's just so many minor fixes you can get away with before you need to develop some new big feature to keep him happy.

I'm glad you're not using your real name. Although that means my little package is being sent to the wrong address... I'm kidding, I'm kidding! :)

Well that sucks, it almost happened to me as well, which of course caused a huge "NOOOOO!"-reaction, quickly followed by a big "YESSSS!"-reaction. Even if I remember what I wrote I'm always too lazy to recreate it exactly the way it was, I always cut a few corners. Anyways, I hope you won't, or well, I don't want to wait for yet another couple of days either. Guess what, I miss you too, and I don't even know you, but I feel like I do.

You're right about where I'm from, I actually had a feeling you would figure that out :). Depending on how you did it, you might be able to tell me my real name as well. I'd prefer if you didn't do that in here though, but I trust you not to.

Just post, soon.