I just finished watching the movie Breaking and Entering. I rented two films. I needed a good filler tonight.
The film was about love. The thing about Serbs and Sarajevo, about the boy who gets in trouble, by stealing from the Rich Man with a blond wife who has an autistic child, it′s just conceptual shit. Yet, the love story is pretty good. It was troubling to me anyway. The ‘concept′ of the woman who has not been with a man in such a long time (her husband, a Serb, when he was still alive, fucked someone else), who has this sad life (she plays on a fake piano that produces no sound... just sound in her head), who′s a refugee... — it is so underlined, so ‘unreal′, like in a Harlequin romance or worst... yet the planet is full of such women — anyway, this woman who′s a sew-er, a single mom, who meets this man who will have ultimate power over her, because of the good sex he will give her, and like she says it to him, who steals her heart in the process, this man who will have ultimate power over her future, and that of her son (comes in the story of breaking and entries), this man who will go down on her in a woman friend′s bedroom, is oh so conceptual, so unreal, yet overwhelming. Seeing Juliette Binoche, with less than a perfect body (but which is perfect in its imperfection, and about the only ‘real′ thing in the film), seeing her begging, repeating ‘I beg you, I beg you′ to Jude Law, who does not want to do something quite simple really, is wrenching. She would beg even if there was no son, I was thinking. The whole son & stealing thing is just a script gimmick, it is a metaphore. The film uses metaphores because it is unable to just tell the truth.
I can′t identify with the cheated wife. It′s meant that way, I think. The wife pushed her husband away, from her own admission, which does not help me to care for her. I can never care for the woman who is already there, though. I have never been there. What I mean is that I have never been installée. I have never been in the mistress′ shoes either. Yet, I can relate to Juliette Binoche in that film to some extent. I know the reasons. They kept popping up as I was watching the film.
Anyway, it′s just a film. Meant to be a filler. The next film I am watching is Marie Antoinette. It seems full of light.
It was a quite beautiful day. Full of uncertainty but full of hope. Sunny. Breeze. People... I was walking strange at the grocery store, as if I had not walked for days, and really I hadn′t, but it wasn′t only that. As a result of recent events, I have this sensation of being strangely unrestrained, and I do not know how to move anymore. That′s it, I do not know how to move. The only move in my head that I see myself doing is to touch these hair, it is to close my eyes and get my nose and lips to brush gently against this man′s collarbone and neck. Skin, hair and the scent of him, that I hope to discover. Kissing him. His naked skin. Not my own. His. Breathing. It is moments as if stolen from the future. But there really are (probably) just highly precise, detailed bits of fantasies, not visions. Later on tonight, as I was watching Breaking and Entering, I had a longing I had lost. It came back, and it was another physical sensation, a very strong one.
[I met this guy as it turns out the very next day, and the sex was amazing.]