When it’s done, I’m done

I am not updating this site nearly as often as I should. And I know why.

I use this card deck to reflect upon my choices in life — I don’t really want to promote it but since I’ve scanned one card and am posting it here, there you go : it’s the Bright Idea deck, and in 3 words it is ugly but useful.

Effort card from Bright Idea deck

That’s me there, in my black & male version — who, you say ? That guy in the forefront, working on the plane, rather than playing with it. And what am I gonna do when I am done preparing that plane ? I certainly won’t play with it.

When I’m done with a project, any project, I always have a hard time enjoying the fruits of it. I am not having fun showing it off. I am not even sure I care about it anymore, let alone want to play with it.

I am not disowning anything I have done — that’s not it. Some examples : I enjoy doing something for someone, but don’t enjoy him being grateful about it, I just want to say, look, it’s done, let’s move on. I rarely enjoy eating the food I enjoy preparing. I don’t want to show off on the day when a film I directed is presented, because I know the rest of the crew will be there and I figure they don’t need me to be there too, so maybe I can avoid watching my film again and talking about it. I let go easily in the editing room in face of any editor. I find it easy to pass on my projects to other people in the creative chain.

In parties that follow up on project successfully brought to term, I don’t celebrate the project, I am there for the opportunity to meet new people.

I guess that makes me an ideal candidate to work for other people. I will be dedicated — I am always very dedicated when I commit to something — until the work is done. When the work is done, I lose interest. I don’t care who gets the credit, and don’t care what happens to my “baby” after that. After my delivery, I don’t check what other people do with it.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Last edited by Caroline Schnapp about 9 years ago.


AKA Janey

Hey, you...why do you think there is something 'wrong' with you? Some people are motivated to work by the final outcome, and some by the journey itself. Some are motivated to start something new then hand it off and others don't want to be the 'idea' person...they want to put the ideas of others together!

Besides - I just think you're somekinda shy and get embarrassed easily at praise LOLOL Maybe you're afraid of the praise? :D (yes, that is my sillygrin)

The animal kingdom is full of examples of 'birth then bail' scenarios. :) I don't think it's wrong...I think it's just your nature to create and then move on to the next creation!


Oh Janey (again)

You are so frikin right. Thanksss...


I think that I am uncomfortable with praise because I never got any from my dad. My dad loves me (I think he does in his own way) but he never was proud of me. Blablabla... LOL... (I am serious). In any case, I think there is also a coping mechanism there, strongly in place. If you are vulnerable to criticism, you have to shield yourself from... both praise and criticism ?! It so happened that I also have a mom that puts huge weight on other people's opinion, what "everyone" will think... so I grew up in reaction to this also. But I really find it striking that I cannot enjoy and party when something I have worked on is done. It is ALMOST a handicap on some occasions. A social handicap anyway! It's greaaaaat to talk to you.

It is GREAT to talk to you,

It is GREAT to talk to you, too!

One thing I am learning, Caro, from my journey's into my past is that while I may have created some maladaptive coping mechanisms - I have the wherewithall to CHANGE them.

Somewhere we must be able to gain a Balance point where criticism and praise is concerned. Is it a matter of detachment? I don't know. Is it a matter of remembering that all of it is simply someone else's opinions? YES, that one I do get. Tell me, is it working for you to avoid criticism/praise? If it works for you, then don't think another thing about it. But if it's NOT working for you perhaps looking at ways to overcome that would be a good thing.(and I immediately think of all the wonderfully joyful experiences you might have missed out on - or WILL miss out on - by avoiding praise)

We don't NEED praise/criticisms from others necessarily....but you know, there is much to learn (GOOD stuff as well as some uncomfortable stuff) if we can listen to the perspective of someone else pertaining to something that is 'ours'. We ALWAYS have the option to keeping what 'resonates' and dumping the rest ;)

I'm the same

I enjoy building sites with Drupal but have no desire whatsoever to administer or add content. I dont have a blog and my business site is way out of date. ( I really should do something about that ). My motivation in life is solving problems, I am not interested in money except when I want to buy something and I dont have enough of it. I found this article helpful in understanding myself and finding a niche.
Love your site, especially the technical Drupal articles.

What is your personality type?

My personality type is INTJ. I did some tests a few years ago. INTJ stands for Introverted-Intuitive-Thinking-Judging — if I remember correctly.

I dont have a blog and my business site is way out of date. ( I really should do something about that ).

I depends. Of course, you should, but then you don’t have to. I have found many jobs in my life without even a cv. (These jobs have found me.) There weren’t exactly great jobs though. Actually, the whole process of putting together a CV, and a portfolio, and selling myself with anything else than my mere presence and small talk makes me highly uncomfortable. I hate CVs, I hate portfolios. Preparing one or evaluating someone else’s. Actually, I have never prepared a portfolio. (I really should do something about that). When I am job-hunting, I cross my fingers that I’ll get called, then if I get interviewed, afterwards I am told what to show (usually something to bring to the attention of the boss’s boss, or so they say), then I send that by e-mail, then they call me back and say fine can you start tomorrow. Then I say : can I start next week. The nerves I have sometimes!

I think I will be fully mature the day I settle for a niche or two, because I will have understood what I really like to do, instead of what I would like to like to do. What I like to do, really, is probably what I end up doing most of the time. But of course, it’s not that simple. I think that there are things that we really would love to do, but that we are not doing because we cannot cope with wanting some stuff... and we’re scared, and we’ve been programmed to settle for certain things because so and so, years ago, told us: You are good in maths.

What is your personality type, gpdinoz? Please tell me.


I meant to put this link in my post
Sometimes I think I am INTJ and I was interested to see that Computer Programmer is listed as a good career for both INTP and INTJ so either way it's ok.

I found your site from your posts on and we have corresponded there as well. I don't have a CV on my business site but do have a portfolio. Most of my work comes from Graphic Designers that I have recruited. They design I build.

I'm close to being a Perceiver too

I was able to track down your business site. That was easy :)
I am looking at your portfolio.

in my job...

... I meet many people
I help them with their problems
when its done they go away
I might never see them again.

Before they leave
if they say thank you or shake my hand,
it still takes me by surprise,
I have got used to not getting any.

I have always been an also ran,
perpetually pushed out behind the frame
never in the picture.
So I learnt to work to my own conscience
to my own set standards
what people say no longer bothers me.

If I am criticised,
I will only judge if, it was fair or unfair.
If fair, I will correct myself.

Its more difficult to judge the motive of,
or differentiate honest from dishonest
It touches me like a tangent.

My job is done,
only when I am satisfied
that I have been able to reach the standard I have set.
I work for others,
but maybe I am only working for my own self.

When you're done before you're done

Hi Caroline and greetz from Belgium,
Nothing the f*** seems to be wrong with you, in my opinion. I'm just about the same, and so seem several of my friends. We do our stuff, we deliver, we move on. However there are a few projects I keep caring about and that comes in especially handy if one is expected to service what one delivers, afterwards. So I suppose it depends on what kind of work you do, and if you can allow yourself to move away from it totally after you have delivered.
Sometimes however, after initially having been interested in an assignment (in my case that's concerts or teaching mostly), it occasionally happens that I lose interest before I get started. I didn't use to have that before and it worries me. But maybe it's just a phase.


I usually keep an interest for a long time in totally personal projects. Totally personal. Like a novel. I kept interest in the same piece of writing for 5 years once. That probably will never happen again.

Are you familiar with

Are you familiar with separation anxiety? This is the exact opposite. To protect yourself from the anxiety of separation and the (possible) ridicule of a product you automatically separate yourself. Whatever has made you do this, don't worry about it. It is much better than the numerous other ways you could find of coping that would leave you much more warn out and a less happy person.

You nailed it

That’s it exactly, for me anyway. I withdraw emotionally, I numb myself. The flip side of separation anxiety. You are right on the dot with every single word in your description :

To protect yourself from the anxiety of separation and the (possible) ridicule of a product you automatically separate yourself.

Whatever has made you do this...

And I have some idea of what that is.

... don’t worry about it. It is much better than the numerous other ways you could find of coping that would leave you much more warn out and a less happy person.