What is happening to me?

[HER] I am OK and at home playing hooky today. Tonight, I'm going to [...] in order to experience a [grace] ceremony... I'm not really sure what it all means but I feel compelled to go. I know that it [...] purportedly triggers some amazing things.

[ME] I am proud of you... you’re preparing for your evening, it was totally the thing to do. You’re being responsible, rather than the opposite, which would have been to be a slave to a ‘place’ that can do without you for a day.

About oneness... this is what I feel. I am very much feeling one with myself, with ‘something’, and with some people... not with everyone, but every single person I connect with. I am in a state of love, that’s why boundaries are blurred... that’s why, maybe, one ends up sleeping with a male ‘friend’ — and how comforting and safe it has been to place people into categories — and that’s why one is kissing ______ as if in love with that person, loving him/her too really, as a person. Bodies and souls are the same. And the other person’s skin is like my own, their heart beating is the beating of the universe, my own heart beats with theirs and it longs for these persons to be alive and to feel well. No, their skin is not quite like my own, but what I mean is that it is natural to touch them. Not touching them is unnatural. And all the same time, I know that NOT everyone should be touching me. My body is precious. I am the queen of me. And I will let no one be rough with me, take me when I do not want to be taken. I am safe though. From now one... I mean 'on', I will be safe. I will feel safe too, progressively, because I will realize that I really am. Safe. I do not even need to ask the person I long to feel safe with : Can I feel safe with you?

[HER] In one way I am nervous...nervous in the sense that many signals have been coming to me lately that it is time for a dramatic shift in my lifestyle, time usage, purpose. My, my that this will be the doorway that will catapult me into a new life. A life that is spent doing what I love doing....creatively, spiritually, financially.

[ME] I think that one of the things that is changing now is how easy it is and will be for you, in all ways. So easy that it’ll feel dreamy. Whatever will seem a little difficult will be there so that you can discover something important in order to move forward. What I mean is that we cannot magically transform into ‘fixed’. Grace can fix part of us, but I believe in the unconscious. For me anyway. It is still part of me now... and it needs to be brought into awareness, but now it is all for the best, the Universe is ready to heal us, more quickly and profoundly than ever before, and we will let ourselves be loved by Life... We must TRUST... the more we trust now, the more we will receive... there is no danger... Even if we fear, even if we lack some confidence, this thing is so powerful that we will get there...

[HER] I have a hunger that will not be abated. Not with a man. Not with sex. Not through my children, my job or my 'life'. I have simply GOT TO transfigure.

[ME] I knoooowwww. I think that you will only keep the human form so that you can keep on interacting with other human forms, because that's something you choose to do. I think I know what you mean, and here, all these words — connect, transition — are not metaphors...

[HER] Do I sound crazy???? I have tears in my eyes and I don't even know why except that for days now I've been ....craving.....mourning....letting go.....accepting....asking.....seeking.

[ME] I think you are crazy in the sense of never having been so sane. You're feeling and letting go : you're moving forward to a state of craziness that is the only natural state... There is a state of craziness which is our natural state.

[HER] How weird. My whole internet connection died while I was typing this...that has never happened before :) fortunately I was able to C&P it into a Word doc before restarting...

[ME] About 6 years ago, this was happening to me when I was writing really intense stuff to a man I was madly in love with him. Even my computer often rebooted automatically while I was writing. Or when I was reading him. You're falling in love with life, just like falling in love with a man, the man of your life.

This is your life. This is my life. This is life. There is only one. Our life is there like a new bride laying down on a huge web... I mean bed (interesting mistake), it says Take Me. And it is begging...

Last edited by Caroline Schnapp about 12 years ago.